Thanksgiving guests incarcerated? No problem. I got that covered. Welcome to Talkin’ Turkey Thursdays…
Thanksgiving is a mere five weeks away! We haven’t yet gotten to Halloween so it seems entirely appropriate to start talking up Thanksgiving! Mwahhhhh. Bubblegum Chic will be running a “Talkin’ Turkey Series,” every Thursday for the next five weeks!
I love Thanksgiving. What’s not to love about a Holiday that celebrates gratitude with food? And this is no tofu or kale holiday. No, this holiday is the antithesis of Goop’s sprouted-spelt sides. This is the butter and starch holiday. And when you throw in the Macy’s Day Parade, well, booyah. You’ve got yourself the best holiday ever.
My kids are impressed with my Thanksgiving resilience. They don’t understand how, after spending every single year in a hospital, veterinary hospital, or gasp, penitentiary (not me), I still look forward to this holiday every year. The answer is simple. I have so much to be grateful for that I can’t imagine not embracing this holiday.
Someone gave me amazing advice a few years ago when I was stressing about hosting the “perfect Thanksgiving.” You see, I cannot possibly pull off a “Martha Stewart,” Thanksgiving. I have five animals and three kids. It just doesn’t work. At the end of the day, our Thanksgivings frequently end with the emergency plumber dismantling my whole kitchen, while dishes pile up in the front hallway closet. So my friend said “stop worrying about the table and the place settings, and focus on what you are meant to think about at Thanksgiving…all that you have to be grateful for.” Bam. Like a brick over the head.
I have three amazing kids. I have a husband whom I adore. And I can feed them and we live in a warm house, together, with no bombs going off over our heads. So once I said fuck the perfect table setting it sort of came together. And I have gratitude for my slightly wacky family who comes to visit, because without them, what would I write about?
I feel so blessed and try to give back when possible. Last week I was trolling Scary Mommy, one of the funniest mom blogs out there, and I saw that they are helping to feed families who can’t feed themselves this year. And I thought, I have to be involved in that. Now, it’s their project, and I am totally not involved, I am only hoping to send you their way, because their Thanksgiving Project rocks.
Scary Mommy has helped feed over 4,500 families over the last three years. Last year alone they helped 2,765 families. This is an amazing cause. If you are in a position to help other mothers who are struggling to feed their children this Thanksgiving PLEASE head over to Scary Mommy and make a donation. No donation is too small.
In the meantime here is a preview of what you should and should not expect from Bubblegum Chic this Thanksgiving! Gobble Gobble.
What you won’t find in Turkey Talkin’
1)Turkey Recipes. I strongly feel that the harder I try to make the gourmet bird, the worse they end up. I have tried cooking it upside down and the breasts fell off. I have tried basting it in beer. Ironically we had a guest get arrested for in flight inebriation the year I tried this…not because s/he was drunk from the turkey. No s/he was just drunk on the plane for no reason, but still I felt there was a karmic relationship between the beer turkey and the trip to jail.
2)Stuffing recipes. I believe that if you just use lots and lots of butter it will all be okay. Everyone loves my stuffing, and I tell them my secret is the broth I make the week before. Bahahhhhhaahahaa. It’s the six sticks of butter. Anyway, yum.
3)Photos of beautiful place settings. Three kids, three cats and two dogs. I’m lucky if we have any unbroken china left by dinner time.
4)Pinnable Floral Arrangements. I buy my floral arrangements from the florist, because my animals eat the stems if I cut them in my house. When the animals eat the stems and start vomiting blood, there’s a trip to the emergency vet and hours in a waiting room with all the other dumb ass animals who couldn’t resist the garlic, butter, and giblets that come with Thanksgiving.
5)Stories about the family hanging out watching football and tossing the ball in the yard. We don’t have time for that; we are really too busy on “animal patrol.” It takes a village to keep these animals from becoming their own undoing surrounded, as they are, by butter and bread.
6) Creative ways to eat your leftover turkey. Here’s how I suggest you eat your leftover turkey—on bread with mayonnaise. If I spend all day Thursday cooking, the last thing I want to see on Friday are recipes telling me how to get creative with leftovers.
What you will find in Turkey Talkin’
1)Detailed stories about hospital waiting rooms, surgeries and bone fractures at Thanksgiving. My children are actually slightly scared of Thanksgiving they are so convinced that it’s our “bad luck holiday.” They may be right.
2) Stories about people being incarcerated at Thanksgiving. Not me. Not my husband. No key players in the life of Bubblegumchic. But there was indeed a trip to prison. (How could I not start a blog–just for this story alone)?
3)Stories about neurosurgeons doing surgeries on their own dumb animals. Animals who can’t not eat the food, condiments, cutlery, and cooking utensils.
4) Stories about flaming cats. If you are going to roast a turkey you may as well light a cat on fire for good measure.
5)Perhaps a pie recipe, with a good story, of course. My husband bakes at least four pies. If he is on call and we know life will be immeasurably difficult he makes six. He likes a challenge.
6)Gifts you can bring to your hostess if you travel. This is my attempt at advertising myself as a good houseguest thus increasing the likelihood of me getting out of hosting Thanksgiving one year.
7) Several pointers on how not to cook your Thanksgiving Turkey. Upside down for starters, is not what I would recommend.
So that’s a taste of what’s to come over the five weeks leading up to the big day! Stay tuned, and PLEASE hop on over to Scary Mommy to make a donation to their Thanksgiving Project. It is such an amazing cause.